PREGNANT

Who is? Not me that’s for dang sure! I did have a big scare the other day though. It went a little something like this….

After getting ready for bed on Sunday night, doing the nightly routine, I realized that my p-day party was three days late! That has never happened to me before so naturally I freaked. My heart began beating really fast and I felt sick. I didn’t want to mention anything to Dave (since the last time I mentioned something it left him in tears) I laid there in bed for over an hour worrying, wondering, planning, counting, imagining…I finally couldn’t take it anymore so I woke Dave up and told him that I hadn’t had my p-day and I was freaking out, he must have been too sleepy because he told me not to worry about the things I couldn’t control and rolled back over. WHAT! Last time you cried like a baby when my sisters and my mom worried me into thinking I was pregnant because I had a stomach ache.. (what’s up with that anyhow when your first married if you get sick in any way someone thinks you’re pregnant)…So even after spilling the beans went back to sleep. I didn’t, that’s for sure. It was now 2:00am….I laid there contemplating if I wanted to get dressed and drive to Wal-Mart to buy a pregnancy test…. I about did it but amazingly talked myself out of it by telling myself that if I was pregnant tonight, I’d still be pregnant tomorrow. Somehow I fell asleep. I jumped out of bed the next morning at the first sound of the alarm and pretty much ran to the bath room, hoping that someone had thrown me a surprise p-day party…. Nope. Nothing. I got ready for work with a pit in my stomach…I really felt awful. On my way to work I stopped at the gas station to buy a prego test. As I searched frantically isle by isle the clerk asked me what I was looking for…. I looked at her with a blank stare and said…uh medicine, but you don’t have it and then walked right out the door without looking up. On my way to work I prayed. And I cried. And I prayed some more. Geeze you’d think something horrible was happing. After my prayer I felt some discomfort in my stomach, I crossed my fingers and hoped the discomfort would turn into cramps! And to my relief…when I got to work I got that p-day party I was hoping for! Halleluiah! I called Dave immediately and told him. I felt like a new woman p-day, pms and all! In a way I feel a bit selfish that I’d be so upset to have a baby right now… but I’m not trying to be selfish…I’m just not ready to have kiddies yet. To me if I am that scared, worried, upset, panicked…it can’t be the right timing.. (kind of like when you were dating your old boyfriend… the one you didn’t marry and you felt worried, upset, panicked, and scared…about the thought of marriage) Didn’t go that way with your future husband to be right? NOPE not for me..its was smooth sailing…and just felt right!

I know when I’m/we’re ready to have a baby I’ll/we’ll know it and welcome will it with open arms. As for now… I’m happy where I am. I am a needy girl and need more time with my honey. More time for the just us, more time to grow, more time to learn, and more time to enjoy each others undivided attention. Once we have kids…we will have them for the rest of our life… I guess we’re not quite ready to start the rest of our life. Bye bye