I’m in a total blog funk. I read everyone else’s blogs and LOVE them. But I can’t seem to come up with anything to blog about. I think I know why. Let me explain….About 4 ½ years ago….My life was funky, in a funk, funkdified, funky funk funk…and anything else you can make up using the word funk.. I was confused. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, where I wanted to work, where I should live…and don’t forget about the Panic/Anxiety attacks worrying that I wouldn’t find “Mr. Right.”
QUESTION: What does this have to do with not blogging and my life now?
ANSWER: I’ll explain with an analogy
Do you remember the last time you broke up with a boyfriend? It has to be a boyfriend you really loved and adored. You loved him, you loved being with him, you were best friends…. but deep down inside you just knew it was not right to be with him forever? MEMBER THAT? I do…and all too clearly.
I remember trying so hard to make it work, while at the same time trying so hard to make not work and end it once and for all. I wanted the change but had a hard time changing….
Immediately after I let go and broke it off I was so relieved because I KNEW I had done the right and now everything would magically fall in to place. LOUD BUZZER NOISE
W R O N G!! My life did everything but fall into place. I became a mess…I was confused, a bit bored, very lonely, and completely overwhelmed about what was to come next. Every day was a stomach ache and every night was a cry fest pitty party (drama mamma aka: Natalie pre Dave….(side note thank goodness for husbands who love us enough to help us grow up and become better all around)
Ok…here’s the analogy
Old boy friend that you love = Portland
*Loved Portland! Adored it. Loved the people, loved my job, loved the adventure…. But we knew it was not where we were supposed to be. It was really hard to leave our friends, the beauty, the endless fun and memories….the life we had created together as newlyweds
Breaking up with boy friend because you knew it was the right thing to do and you longed for “Mr. Right”= Moving to Utah
*As much as we loved Portland and as hard as it was to leave, we knew Utah was the place to be and we knew we needed to get there not matter what it took. We searched for over 2 years trying to find the right job and when it seemed like it would never happen…it happened and we were thrilled. Finally our dream was coming true! (live by family, buy a home, have great jobs) … it was all in the near future!
Making the right decision but still feeling lost, confused, and funkdified= Current situation
*Although we are thrilled to be here… I believe our expectations of what it would be like are a little different now that we are here. We are confused… a bit bored, lonely in a sense (we miss Portland), and slightly overwhelmed with what is to come next.
Don’t get me wrong. We are happy, life is good, and we don’t have many complaints, I have however come to realize that WE ARE IN A FUNK. We feel a little bit of where should we work, when should be buy a home? A bit of what should we do and how should we do it?… a little bit of where are all our friends and I thought we’d have more to do and a lot a bit of living in my parents basement and not our own place……
Word: Lim-bo
Pronounced: [lim-boh]
Definition: an intermediate, transitional, or midway state or place.
I kinda wish I were doing the limbo under a pole instead of being in a state of limbo. I believe this feeling comes from not being able to create our own life here in Utah. We are not on our own schedule, we aren’t in our own house, we don’t even buy our own food. (not that I’m complaining, cus its so wonderful to not have to do the grocery shopping…but sometimes you just want to have the food you want, when you want it and its not that my mom won’t buy it…of course I give her a list sometimes, but there is already so much food in their house that I don’t want to add unnecessary things when they really aren’t needed. And since I give my mom money at the beginning of the month for food, anything I buy on top of what she buys is just additional money spent…and we are trying to save ya know.)
We are so blessed to be able to save money by living with my parents, but it’s not our home, it’s not our stuff, and it feels like it’s not “our life”….or at least not the one we were used to living.
This past week Dave and I have been taking walks after work. The weather has been nicer and we need exercise so taking a walk is a great way to get in some exercise while spending quality time talking and listening to each other. And just in case I wasn’t feeling funky enough…. Leave it up to the conversations below to fill me with more to think about…
Monday
Dave: “maybe I want to go back to school and become a radiologist”
Me: “huh?”
Me: “another 8 years of school?”
Dave: “hmmm…”
The next day
Dave: “I think I want to be a professor at BYU and get my doctorate”
Me: “do it”
1 day after that
Me: “Do you want to move to Australia or New Zealand?”
Dave: “yes”
Me: “me too”
Me: “what about buying a house”
Dave: “I don’t know”
Me: “me either”
Today
Dave: “happy Friday honey”
Me: “thanks you too! want to go to Tony’s tonight?”
Dave: “you read my mind”
Ok I made up the dialogue about Tony’s…but trust me we’re thinking it.
I have felt a lot of different emotions since we got here. It seems I can’t put my finger on what it is I’m thinking, wanting, or feeling (aka why I suck at blogging lately)…. Amidst the confusion, there are a few things I know for sure…
*I know Dave and I truly love each other
*I know that the church is true
*I know we have to go to work even if we don’t want to
*I know we love to watch “our” TV shows (the bachelor, hero’s, 24, true beauty, fringe, biggest loser, lost, Kath and Kim, the office)
*I know we love turtle, even when she is annoying and won’t let you pet her
*I know that a king sized bed is much better than a queen and if you don’t have one you HAVE TO MAKE THE SWAP
*I know that my allergies magically disappeared and I could not be happier about it
*And last but certainly not least I know Tony’s is the best restaurant in Utah and that we have eat there at least once a week.
Other than that everything else is up in the air. Who knows what we will do and when we will do it. I guess it’s a waste of time to worry about when it will happen and when we will get out of this funk….kinda like how it was a waste for me to worry about when I would find “Mr. Right (aka little honey)”. I found him didn’t I? And what a worthwhile wait!
The way I see it is, we just need to keep CTR’n….and enjoy this funky journey…. it will be worth the wait!
Fireplace
